Review

The Dracula Dossier


Amanda Ward
Staff Writer


Written in the form of journal entries and newspaper articles, James Reese’s novel The Dracula Dossier pits Bram Stoker, author of Dracula, against the greatest monster of the late 19th century: Jack the Ripper.

Four things prejudiced me against this novel before I started reading it: first, it is an epistolary novel; second, it has footnotes, which, with very few exceptions, I have always thought were a waste of ink; third, the prologue reads like bad Sherlock Holmes pastiche; and finally, the printing on the odd numbered pages was so faint that I had trouble making out some of the words. Eventually I decided I was being unfair: just because the book is in a form I don’t care  for doesn’t mean it’s a bad story and the printing can hardly be held against the writer. Thus, it was in a very forgiving mood that I started reading.

The book started strong, with a richly de tailed and suspenseful description of Bram Stoker wandering the streets of Manhattan in a blizzard, leaving behind him a trail of blood.

And then...nothing happened for another hundred pages. Fi- nally, on page one hundred-twenty something, things started to pick up. Unfortunately, the event was the start of a half-baked super

natural plot that was poorly grafted onto the story. The first Ripper murder didn’t occur until over 200 pages in (the book is only about 350 pages long) and the plot after that is so convoluted and ridiculous it’s difficult to describe. The ultimate defeat of Jack the Ripper is probably the most absurd part as it is accomplished with the use of some painted backdrops, a double, and a Scottish Castle.

The Dracula Dossier is quite pos- sibly the worst book I have ever read and I mourn for the trees 

that died to produce it.

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Screen Gems of the 1980's


Amanda Ward
Staff Writer


Bill and Ted’s Excel- lent Adventure 1989 (PG)

Starring Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, and George Carlin

Directed by Stephen Herek

Can you imagine the pitch for this one?

“The future of man- kind depends on two lov- able losers passing histo- ry, so they decide to travel through time and pickup important historical figures to speak during their final. And their time machine will be a phone booth.” “Like in Doctor Who?” “Exactly! Except it’ll be an American booth and it won’t be bigger on the inside. And George Carlin will be their mentor.” As unlikely as it sounds, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure is actually one of the funniest comedies of the ‘80s. It was also wildly popular and spawned a sequel, two short-lived animated series, a short-lived live action series, and a short-lived breakfast cereal.

Blue Velvet 1986 (R)

Starring Kyle MacLach- lan, Isabella Rossellini, and Dennis Hopper

Directed by David Lynch 
David Lynch’s masterpiece about the dark underbelly of a small American town. You will either passionately love it or passionately hate it.

Brazil 1985 (R)

Starring Jonathan Pryce, Ian Holm, Michael Palin, and Robert De Niro

Directed by Terry Gilliam 
A tragicomic dystopian work of genius that’s avail- able in not one, not two, but three different versions. I recommend the 142 minute director’s cut and the 131 minute American theatrical version, but not the 94 minute version, which was slapped together by the stu- dio in an attempt to turn it into a more marketable film.

Fire and Ice 1983 (PG)

Starring Susan Tyrrell and William Ostrander

Directed by Ralph Bakshi 
Although it’s really thin on plot, Fire and Ice is worth watching simply for the Frank Frazetta designed characters.

Flight of Dragons 1982 (NR)

Starring John Ritter, Harry Morgan, and James Earl Jones

Directed by Arthur Rankin, Jr. and Jules Bass

Based mostly on Gordon Dickson’s wonderful novel, The Dragon and the George, Flight of Dragons is a winning tale of the struggle of magic against science.

Hairspray 1988 (PG)

Starring Ricki Lake, Jerry Stiller, Sonny Bono, Debo- rah Harry, and Divine

Directed by John Waters 
Hairspray is not a musi- cal. Hairspray does not star John Travolta. Hairspray is a 1988 film by John Waters and anyone who claims other is lying and/or insane.

The Last Unicorn 1982 (G)

Starring Mia Farrow, Alan Arkin, Jeff Bridges, and Christopher Lee

Directed by Jules Bass 
Although it’s marketed as a children’s movie, The Last Unicorn has a sly humor that will appeal to adults. I highly recommend the Peter S. Beagle novel that it was adapted from.

Legend 1986 (PG)

Starring Tom Cruise, Mia Sara, and Tim Curry

Directed by Ridley Scott 
Be sure to watch the director’s cut of this lush fairytale, which replaces that godawful Tangerine Dream soundtrack with the original orches- tral score.

The Living Daylights 1987 (PG)

Starring Timothy Dal- ton, Maryam D’Abo, John Rhys-Davies, and Desmond Llewelyn

Directed by John Glen 
People always forget that Timothy Dalton played James Bond, which is a shame because he was quite good in the role.

Lust in the Dust 1985 (R)

Starring Tab Hunter, Lain- ie Kazan, and Divine

Directed by Paul Bartel 
This rowdy western comedy truly belongs to Di- vine. He steals every scene with his bawdy and exuberant performance.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence 1983 (R)

Starring David Bowie, Tom Conti, Takeshi Kitano, and Ryuichi Sakamoto

Directed by Nagisa Oshima 
Although it’s been largely forgotten, Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence is a profoundly affecting drama about the clash between two cultures that are completely alien to each other. It’s also proof that David Bowie is actually a pretty good actor.

Starchaser: The Legend of Orin 1985 (PG)

Starring Joe Colligan, Car- men Argenziano, Anthony De Longis

Directed by Steven Hahn 
Starchaser is often accused of ripping off Star Wars, always thought that it owed more to Plato’s Allegory of the Cave than to George Lucas. Besides, Star Wars doesn’t exactly suffer from an overabundance of originality. Feel free to hit fast-forward whenever you see Orin’s little brother on screen.

How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read

by Pierre Bayard; translated by Jeffery Mehlman

 Reviewed by

Amanda Ward
Chant Writer

 In How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read, Pierre Bayard writes, “even a prodigious reader never has access to more than an infinitesimal fraction of the books that exist.  As a result, unless he abstains definitively from all conversation and all writing, he will find himself forever obliged to express his thoughts on books he hasn’t read.”

So, how do you speak about all of the books you’re expected to have read even though it’s impossible for you to have read them all?  According to Bayard, you embrace the art of non-reading.

More than just the absence of reading, non-reading is an activity that takes many forms: skimming a book, hearing about a book, reading what others have written about a book, and reading a book and then forgetting about it are all forms of non-reading to Bayard.

With tongue planted firmly in cheek, Bayard gives an erudite defense of his non-reading stance with examples from such diverse sources as Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose and the movie Groundhog Day.  He gleefully knocks aside literary giant Marcel Proust, arguing that it is necessary to read but a single page of A la recherche de temps perdu to be able to understand the whole work and, in what is probably the most hilarious chapter in the book, proves the un-universality of Shakespeare’s plays. 

Despite its title and satirical tone, How to Talk About Books You Haven’t Read is not a guide on how to bluff your way through Lit classes, but is instead a thoughtful book on the importance of books and how we relate to them, and well worth actually reading.

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Film Favorites for Halloween

Amanda Ward

Chant Film Critic

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday.  From the time that the first bag of black and orange candy hits the shelves to the day that the last rotting jack-o-lantern is thrown away, I’m in a good mood.

I love the gaudy displays, the ridiculous costumes, and, naturally, the tradition of giving away candy.

But what I love most are the movies.  From the cheesiest grade-z monster movie to the Academy Award winning masterpieces, nothing puts me in a better mood than a horror movie.

I’ve chosen a few of my favorites to share with you, so pop some popcorn, turn out the lights, and enjoy.

Arsenic and Old Lace 1944 (NR)

Starring Cary Grant, Raymond Massey, and Peter Lorre

Directed by Frank Capra

All Mortimer Brewster wants to do is go on his honeymoon, but he’s got to deal with a brother who thinks he’s Teddy Roosevelt, another who’s on the run from the police, and a pair of sweet aunts who also happen to be mass murderers.  All in all, not the most auspicious start to a marriage.

The Night of the Hunter 1955 (NR)

Starring Robert Mitchum, Shelley Winters, and Lillian Gish

Directed by Charles Laughton

The Reverend Henry Powell has the charisma of a Southern preacher, the geniality of Ned Flanders, and the soul of Hannibal Lecter.

Remarkably, even after 55 years, The Night of the Hunter has the power to send shivers down the spine, due largely to Mitchum’s chilling portrayal of Powell.  Once you hear him call “Chilll…dren?” down the cellar stairs, you will forget that you ever found Freddy or Jason even remotely scary.

Young Frankenstein 1974 (PG)

Starring Gene Wilder, Peter Boyle, Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, Marty Feldman, and Gene Hackman

Directed by Mel Brooks

Young Frankenstein is probably one of the most perfectly crafted comedies ever made.  From the simple “walk this way” gag to the inspired performance of “Puttin’ on the Ritz” by monster and maker, it never fails to hit the ideal comic note.

Near Dark 1987 (R)

Starring Adrian Pasdar, Bill Paxton, and Lance Henriksen

Directed by Kathryn Bigelow

Long before she was showing up her ex-husband at the Oscars, Kathryn Bigelow was making grade-A movies.  In Near Dark, she combines the vampire tale with elements of the western to create a horror film of surprising grace and subtlety.  

The Prophecy 1995 (R)

Starring Christopher Walken, Eric Stoltz, Virginia Madsen, and Viggo Mortensen

Directed by Gregory Widen

The plot of The Prophecy can best be described as a combination of Paradise Lost, parts of the Apocrypha, and The Terminator.  There is a second war raging in Heaven and the leader of the rebel angels, Gabriel, has come to earth to harvest an evil soul that will lead the rebels to victory.

The highlight of this film is Christopher Walken’s Gabriel.  He combines his trademark bizarreness with the stillness of a statue to create a truly unique villain. 

Hellraiser 1987 (R)

Starring Andrew Robinson, Ashley Laurence and Doug Bradley

Directed by Clive Barker         

The reputation of Hellraiser has been somewhat marred by a string of truly awful sequels, but the original is actually one of the best horror films of the ‘80s.

Although you’d never be able to tell by the ad campaign, the true monster of the film is not the guy with the pins, but rather the humans who let their desires run unchecked.  Still, I wouldn’t want to meet Pinhead in a dark alley.

Shaun of the Dead 2007 (R)

Starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost

Directed by Edgar Wright

Zombies are kind of boring.  All they do is shuffle about, moan, and eat the brains of people too slow to escape them.  That’s why it takes Shaun and his friends several days to notice that they are in the middle of a zombie epidemic.

Shaun of the Dead is basically a romantic comedy that’s been interrupted by zombies.  A strange combination, but one that injects new life into the undead.

28 Days Later 2002 (R)

Starring Cillian Murphy and Christopher Eccleston

Directed by Danny Boyle

Technically this is a zombie movie, but its true strength comes from its human characters.  28 Days Later is a fascinating look at human nature when all civilization has been destroyed.

Also, the athletic zombies were really cool.

The Witches 1990 (PG)

Starring Angelica Houston, Mai Zetterling, and Rowan Atkinson

Directed by Nicolas Roeg

Of all the movies on the list, this is the only one that truly creeps me out.  Mai Zetterling’s opening monologue on the nature of witches sets a terrifying tone and Angelic Houston’s Grand High Witch is truly the stuff of nightmares.

Shadow of the Vampire 2000 (R)

Starring John Malkovich and Willem Dafoe

Directed by E. Elias Merhige

You’re the director of a movie and your star won’t come out during the day, refuses to cross running water, and has been snacking on your cinematographer.  How do you deal with the situation?  Threaten him with no close-ups and tell him that he can feed on the writer since he’s really not that important.

In Shadow of the Vampire, writer/director Merhige posits that F.W. Murnau’s film Nosferatu achieved its success by casting a real vampire in the title role.  Merhige’s film is simultaneously a horror film and a stinging look at the lengths that one will go to make a movie. 

Willem Dafoe is brilliant as the vampire.  He evokes both revulsion and pity as the once great Count Orlock who has been reduced to making movies to keep himself in blood.  But the true monster of the film is Malkovich’s Murnau, who will sacrifice anyone, except himself, to make his movie.

The Midnight Meat Train 2008 (R)

Starring Bradley Cooper and Leslie Bibb

Directed by Ryûhei Kitamura

A pox upon the people at Lionsgate!  May their cattle be blighted!  May their grain be eaten by locusts!  May their children never leave home!

As you may have guessed, I’m a little miffed at Lionsgate.  Instead of promoting The Midnight Meat Train and giving it a decent opening, they decided to put all of their energy behind the latest addition to the Saw franchise.  They pulled most of the advertising for Midnight Meat Train and opened it in only about 100 theatres.  And, to add injury to insult, they opened it in dollar and second-run theatres.

Their shabby treatment of the film would be excusable if it was a lousy film, but it’s not a bad film.  It has a good script, an excellent cast, and a great visual style.